At the campfire last week a couple of us girls were chatting about how much we loved our dogs. We went on and on about how much we spoiled them, and what joy they brought to our lives. One of the gals said when her brother-in-law ran over her dog she didn't talk to him for a year and it caused a separation in her marriage because she was so traumatized. A few of us said there was no amount of money that was too much money to invest in our dog's health. (Apparently I'm not the only one who's used a home equity line for expensive surgeries.)
After a few minutes of this, one of the guys said something like, "Sheesh! To be a dog!"
I retorted that if guys were as good to us as our dogs were, then we would treat our men that well too.
Can you see where this was going? I sure didn't ...
He retorted back, "If you treated us guys like you treat your dogs, we WOULD be that good to you!"
Why hadn't I thought of that? lol
He's probably right.
My sweetie piped in with, "Yeah, every time Joe rolls on his back he gets a first class belly rub." I immediately realized how widespread it was: the dogs keep me awake at night, but that's okay because they're dogs. If Russ, on the other hand, keeps me up with snoring, that's not cool. My dogs never run out of food. People food, though, I'm not nearly as intent on keeping on hand. If my boyfriend goes hungry, so what? He can eat tomorrow if he didn't pick something up on his way over. I ran out of his favorite drink? Oh well.
Wow.
What have I been creating?? lol
I wonder how it would work if I treated my guy like a king? If he knew he could do no wrong in my eyes?
Okay, that's just crazy talk!
lol But, I'm willing to experiment. Maybe I'll start treating my boyfriend like my dog. Just to see what happens.
Jeez, this is going to be weird. I let him sit wherever he wants. I don't run the vacuum until he vacates the area. I go out of my way to have all his favorite treats on hand. I make sure he gets plenty of play dates with friends. I take him to do what he loves most. I tell him all the time how much I love him, even if he can't hear me or doesn't answer back. I hardly ever get mad at him, because he just doesn't know any better. I let him distract me from my work. I let him break a few house rules. I'm basically here just to support and enhance his enjoyment of life.
Wow, I'm starting to sound like a pretty good girlfriend, huh?
Wow! Synchronicity again, Jeannette! Great article! It ties in really nicely with my thoughts about "love" lately. I'm pretty sure the purpose of all relationship are to help us become more loving as humans. But, it's easy to fall into the trap of only feeling love in a relationship if they do/act/say/behave in a certain way. As soon as they quit doing these things, we blame them for us not being able to love them. When all along, our love was always there, we don't need permission (a bunch of cues or behaviours) from another to feel or express it. Partners behaving in a way we deem "right" is just an excuse we give ourselves to feel love. It is always our love though, and we can dip into the ocean of it anytime we choose! Regardless of what anyone else is doing. It all comes back to self love!
ReplyDeleteSorry this is so long! I've hardly touched on the subject!
Here's to feeling our own self love!
Sonora.
There is a lot of love and happiness on the other side of that door you're opening: be careful! It will irritate a lot of people who cling to their self-destructively selfish illusions, and may set up a feedback loop of joy that rocket-powers your creation abilities.
ReplyDeleteWow, Sonora, I hadn't thought of turning the "Joe love" inward ... I like that!! Loving MYSELF as much as I love my dog. Why hadn't I thought of THAT before?? I'm such a big fan of self-acceptance and love, this is a beautiful way to access it. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI get the impression, John, that you've got experience with this? Care to share?
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome! You planted the seeds of self-love :)
ReplyDeleteYou're a star, Jeannette!
Sonora.
Yes, though there's enough experience and observation available just from little ol' me to write a goodly chapter on the topic, and I'm not sure clobbering your comments page is the right way to convey it. :^D I'll have to collect my thoughts into a short series of essays or some such and post elsewhere. And probably mention when I at last get some coaching from you.
ReplyDeleteFor the moment, please accept these (unhelpfully) brief summaries of the 4 points that spring to mind:
As you well know, people keep a stranglehold on fear-based and foolish misconceptions, which poisons their ability to make the world they should be making and damages those around them. Like any parasite, these delusions fight tooth and nail to remain in place in their host's mind. Having cherished illusions, even (or especially) self-destructive ones, challenged brings a bizarre level of bile from people. You probably knew that too, though.
The dread fear of pleasing someone without promise of reward keeps perhaps most away from real love. (D.H. Lawrence had some crushing things to say about this.) Society's endless denigration of all things male hasn't helped. The fact that pets receive what we refuse to give each other makes the whole thing into a sad and ironic farce.
That you are looking directly at this means you are, in one step, endless miles beyond most people's self-awareness.
I strongly believe that if your man is worth a pair of foetid figs he will respond favorably to your experiment. A gross understatement, that. It's more like you may be tapping into a perpetual motion machine, which can bring on that feedback loop. (N.B: at first, expect confusion and perhaps overreaction - in directions you want or not - until he gets over the oddity of unconditional love.)
A fifth item is more in your bailiwick: since good feelings make (or are?) good vibrations, the manifestation abilities of someone with this sort of love coming and going through them must be astounding.
Yeesh. Ok, clarifying my goofy grammar:
ReplyDeleteAnd probably mention when I at last get some coaching from you.
I mean, I'll mention where I post those little essays when I'm talking to you in a coaching session/class.
That you are looking directly at this...
Meaning, looking directly at the disjuncture between how we treat pets vs. persons we say we love.
Jeanette,
ReplyDeleteThere is actually a movie from the 60s, I think with Sandra Dee as a newlywed, where she uses a dog training manual to bring up her husband right. He is all happiness until he finds the manual, and then trouble ensues. I love old movies, so I found this one entertaining. And thought provoking. Sorry I don't remember the name of the movie.
There is actually a movie from the 60s
ReplyDelete"If a Man Answers"
I was in a stage play production in college. Cute story!