Eliminating the Middle Man

I sent this out in yesterday's "Get What You Want" ezine. Because it's related to a post I'm writing now, I thought it would be helpful to include it on the blog:

What do you want and why do you want it?

Take a moment to reflect on those two questions. What do you want, and why do you want it? Write both answers down if you've got pen & paper handy.

My work with clients has taught me that we much more easily know the answer to the first question than the second. But it's worth getting clear on, because author and coach Michael Neill says it's not the first thing we really want, it's the second.

What do you want and why do you want it?

Some might say "I want to find the perfect house because it will give me more peace." Or maybe, "I want to drop a couple pounds because I want to feel good about how I look." Or perhaps, "I want to reduce my work and increase my income because that will allow me to enjoy life more."

(Can you tell what's on my mind these days? Those are my personal favorites.)

I have to agree with Michael; no matter what it is we say we want, what we're really after is how we think that thing or experience or person is going to make us feel.

So what do you say we drop the middle man, huh? Let's go direct!

When we identify the real target we're much more likely to succeed. I mean, how many times have you (or someone you know) got the thing you thought you wanted, but afterwards felt let down or unfulfilled? Like, we drop ten pounds but once we get there, we just think we need to drop five more before we're satisfied? Or we get the relationship we said we wanted, but after the newness wears off we still feel empty inside? Or we achieve our career success, but instead of being thrilled we're just worn out?

That's because we were shooting for the first thing (what we want) when we really wanted the second (why we want it - i.e. the feeling we think it will give us).

Many of you have heard me talk about how in the corporate world I wanted to pay off my mortgage so I'd feel free to quit my miserable job. For three years I made triple house payments until I got that thing down to zero.

How did it feel making that last payment? Relief? Celebration? I wish. Actually, I felt nothing. Nada. Flat. Empty. It was surreal how I didn't feel anything at all. No freedom, no enjoyment, no accomplishment.

What was wrong with me? In hindsight, I realize what I really wanted was "freedom" and yet that wasn't the vibration I'd practiced at all. All my vibe knew was "slaving away" making triple payments. I didn't know at the time that I couldn't get anything other than what I was feeling - which was more like "trapped & lifeless" than "free & easy."

But I know better now. And I'm not falling for it again.

So my formal list of what I want this upcoming year looks more like this: love my life, love my body, love my animals, love my world, love my people.

Now don't get me wrong ... I have specific ideas about what that might look like. I imagine it will involve being more toned and fit, living with my boyfriend, and managing my workload better. But the reason I want those things is because I think that will allow me to love my life even more than I already do. For me, it boils down to "loving my life." That's my accurate target.

And I know enough about how this deliberate creation stuff works to know that the way to get there is to vibrate that now. Love my life now. That's my entire to-do list for the new year. As I feel that love for life now, not only do I get what I really truly want - but my life also gets even easier to love.

You gotta love how this system is set up, huh?!